She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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