I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
