I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
