Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
