You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
