I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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