I got chris browned last night
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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