Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
