I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
