dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
