i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
