If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
