I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
