just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
