dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
