I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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