you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
