You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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