Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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