she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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