I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
