i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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