Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
God, I missed his penis.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
