i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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