just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
