Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
