I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
