Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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