You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I need moral support for this bender
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
