I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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