imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
