I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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