I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
