all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize