a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
