If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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