Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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