i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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