PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
