This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
