how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
