im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
