No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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