that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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