Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
