I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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