Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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