First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
