Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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