You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Oh god it's open bar.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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