Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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