Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
