Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dignity is for republicans.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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