dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
try to milk me bitch
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