I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
