youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
