GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
