Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
