I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize