it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize