Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
