I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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