I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
