I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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