so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
