the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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