i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
