he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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